Overlord Academy

April 28, 2008

Global Warming

Filed under: oil — Elvenbane @ 12:31 pm

It seems like everyone is harping about this thing called global warming. They go on and on about this being the end of the world as we know it. Animals are going extinct, plants are not growing and the air is unfit to breath.

With all this global “warming” going on, I pose one simple question: Why is it snowing in April and May?

I’m not kidding. I go and buy a new motorcycle to enjoy the warming climate and then it snows the very next day. We are expected to have snow twice this week as well. I have seen no sign of global warming! I have, however, seen plenty of evidence pointing to the fact that the Earth is experiencing menopause. Hot one day, bitter cold the next. Obviously the world upon which we live has hit her mid-life, and is now suffering what all women suffer, screwed up inner workings.

What can we do? How can we repair this travesty? We do the same thing that men have done for countless centuries. Go camping with our buddies, ignore the old hag and generally have a mid-life crisis. In other words, do nothing but ignore the problem and hope she goes away.

May 24, 2007

Glass Desert

Filed under: oil — Elvenbane @ 12:54 pm

As an Evil Overlord preparing his empire, I have a cover job. During the normal work day, I chat with my co-workers. The other day this one was going on and on about how the war in Iraq is all about oil. Nevermind the fact that gas prices have doubled since the beginning of this conflict. We did, however, determine a fair compromise to ending this compromise very very fast.

What we need to do is detonate some type of bomb that is SUPER hot, leaves no toxic aftermath, right there in the middle of the desert. All that sand will be turned to glass, the jihadists will be exterminated. True, a few innocents may perish, but this is war, and that sort of thing happens in wars all the time. All we need do then, is to break the glass surface, tap back into the old wells, and drive those oil prices back down.

Another upside to this solution is that the United States will once again be the all powerful super nation in the minds of all the other nations in the world. None will know when we will turn against them. Except for the french. If we haven’t hit them before this plan, they will be next. And soon! We have the power and technology to prove this, but the wishy-washy politicians and spineless liberals, have dragged this great nation almost to the level of france.

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