Overlord Academy

Layoffs in any form can be very detrimental to the Overlord’s empire. Layoffs, which include firings, and mutual separations, harm moral since friends and acquaintances are leaving, and creates a potential hole in security because of knowledge now walking freely in the open.

The fix for this is really simple, and yet current corporations cannot bring themselves to implementing the proper course of action. The proper course to follow when needing to terminate someone’s employment is to simply terminate the individual. You transfer them into a “new” department, and then, when ties to others in the company have been severed, you do the typical Evil Overlord thing, and shoot them. You can do something elaborate, send them on a training somewhere and have the plane crash, maybe make some money from the insurance issues, but that gets kind of messy.

This does not address the true issue though, and that is the problem with your hiring practices. If there is a people conflict, odds are your managers do not know how to get along with their employees, or simply do not care. And very likely, one or the other involved never should have been hired in the first place.

Granted, you should work on, and solve the underlining problems, but let us face it, you chose to be an Evil Overlord not because of you understanding heart, but because of your ruthless, bloodthirsty nature. So go ahead and terminate those employees however you see fit. Anyone who complains, shoot them as well.

As you begin planning, and then building your Seat of Power (fortress), you need to pay special attention to the approaches of this structure. You need to weigh the importance of easy access for day to day operations against slowing down possible would be attackers. Your fortress may be impregnable, but we really want to prevent attackers from reaching the structure.

We will begin with constructing a wall around the perimeter of the property. This wall will have only one opening, with large gates sealing shut the opening whenever needed. The wall should angle out has it goes up, making it that much harder for someone to climb over. The top should be covered in razor wire coils, and broken glass shards.

If by some ill fate of luck, the attackers have penetrated past the wall, we must now engage our more sinister tools. Just inside the wall, a security road circles the property. As soon as the attackers reach this road, secret mechanisms activate which drop the surface of the road fifteen feet, into a spiked pit. With any luck, many if not all of your attackers will die in the fall. If not, reset the road, they will be trapped with no way out. They will die of hunger and thirst. You could drop and reset the road many times during the attack.

If they make it past the road, the grounds need to transform into a maze with deadly booby traps. Kill, hurt, and maim the attackers. If they reach the actual fortress, their resolve is fairly strong, and you must rely on the defenses of the fortress itself from this point forward. Some of these defenses could already be employed. All during the attack, snipers from your fortress could be taking pot shots at the foolish attackers.

The problem with taking vacations as Evil Overlord, is that no matter how well prepared you leave the office, some problem will arise fifteen minutes after you leave. Instead of remaining focus on regular duties, everyone focuses on this new issue. The odds are, had you remained in the office, you would have deemed the issue unimportant and nothing would have been done anyways. Instead you have the entire employed force working on a stupid issue and not accomplishing anything else. In the end, solving the one problem will only bring up thirty more problems, and that is what you will have to look forward to at the end of your vacation. No work done, and new disasters to have to take care of.

While away, someone will always need to be able to contact you, but if you are not careful, your vacation will quickly turn into not a vacation. If you truly cannot trust your underlings to think for themselves, and to obey orders, set aside no more than one hour each morning. At the end of the hour, cut all communication. You need to relax, you have too much on your shoulders, and if you do not relax, you are going to be wound up tighter than any politician working on a pet project.

It is true, when you return to the office, you will have a huge back log of emails, phone messages, and paper documents to go through, but if you planned accordingly, you will be just fine. If you cannot plan for, or anticipate this potential mess, you are better off not taking a vacation. In truth, you are better off not pursuing a career of Evil Overlord. You are a pansy, worse than the french, and should just turn back now.