Overlord Academy

There is no such thing as a free lunch. You want something, you have to pay for it. The ideas of welfare and government subsidizing are very detrimental to our society. We have thousands upon thousands, especially in the midwest, who sit on their butts all day, doing nothing, and expecting the government to take care of everything. That they are entitled to a free lunch because something bad happened to the thirty years ago. We have entire fields being tilled under. Precious food material going to waste, because it will drive costs up. And the government is telling them that it is ok by subsidizing the whole process. The time for a free lunch is over. You want something? You are going to go out and earn it! As Evil Overlord, why should I give of my wealth and power to someone who is not helping to maintain or build my power and control? If anything, I would rather have them shot so that they are no longer a drain on resources. To show that I am not completely heartless, I will grant these sanctions. Any person who is able to get to the age of sixty, will be taken care of by the government, under the conditions that they actively volunteer at schools, community service, parks, hospitals, orphanages, etc. Yes, they are retired, but that is no reason why they should abandon society, and their duties to society. Keep them active and benefitting those younger than them. Those who are truly invalid, those with alzhimers disease, etc, will be taken care of. They will be provided with a warm and caring living environment, and made as comfortable as possible. Anyone discovered abusing the past two groups, will be shot. Those who are handicapped in any way, will also be required to work to the best of their abilities. This will have to be judged on a case by case basis because of the nature of the potential ailments. Finally those who are capable of working, who have no job and not from lack of trying, will be taken care of while they obtain schooling to make them more desirable in the workplace. All able to work in the household, must work and help contribute to the family needs. By following this method, we insure that the resources of the empire are not bled dry, that the capable workforce is doing everything possible to support the empire, and those who are truly incapable of work, and/or taking care of themselves will be provided for.

The question may come up, if I am the Evil Overlord, why would I even care about taking care of the elderly and the invalids? To be honest, I do not. I would rather they were all elliminated. My subjects, however, do care for them. They are family. It is cheaper in resources to keep them happy by providing for their ailing family members, then it is fighting them and punishing them for going against the system, and for possible revolts and rioting. After all, it is all about the bottom line, and how much power I have, at the end of the day.

Everyone has to go to bathroom. It is a fact of life. You have to eat and drink in order to function, which then makes you have to vacate the premises. This gets flushed down the sewer where all sorts of disgusting things are. Gross things are being done. Your hands are filthy, full of germs. I have noticed far too often that people (I have seen this in the men’s bathroom, and I have had my spies inform me the same happens in the women’s bathroom) simply do not wash their hands. Are you people insane? Do you not realize the nastiness that is on your hands? This nastiness is then spread to everything you touch. The doors, the desks, computer equipment, your food, and hands when you shake them, are all now contaminated. Now other people have the nastiness on them and it continues to spread, and soon, everyone is getting sick. An entire workforce has been eliminated for an indeterminate time, all because you were too slothful to take two minutes time. Because of this major reduction in the working forces, sensors are going to be installed in the restroom which will allow us to determine those who do not wash their hands properly (yes, there is a proper way to wash your hands. Please read the FAQ when it is posted.) Those who do not wash will immediately have a warrant issued for their arrest. If this is their second offense, there will be no arrest made. Officers will be ordered to shoot to kill. We will not tolerate the stupidity of a few, to cause such a massive decrease in overall productivity. It is just like the french not to wash their hands.

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/hand-washing/HQ00407

During your rise to power, and all through out your reign, there will be many wars and battles. People will die in these skirmishes. It is only inevitable. Depending on how you handle the situation, your people will either band together in loyalty, or in opposition. Since we do not want them opposing us, we have to some how make them think that the death of their loved ones was for some greater cause. Set aside a special day, for people to remember the fallen soldiers. Even include the fallen soldiers of the captured nations. Join the people together. Take time out from your busy schedule to mingle with the people. Give specially written speaches in honor of the soldiers. You really need to tug at the heart strings.

This special day will serve another purpose besides honoring dead soldiers. It will be another free day for your subjects to enjoy the new freedoms you have given them. A day to have a barbeque. Ride four wheelers. Go to the beach. Spend time with family and friends. Basically, put them into a mood so that they can forget their troubles. You will soon have them eating out of your hands. A happy people is a forgetful people. Use this day to your advantage!

As any government will tell you, there is a need to punish your people when laws have been broken. Without the punishment, there is no reason not to commit the crime. I am sure you can see where this goes. Governments therefore punish as needed. The problem becomes how long it takes to actually get around to punishing the guilty. At the urging of the lawyers, appeals are filed, punishment delayed, and state money wasted. The only person who really benefits is the blood thirsty lawyer. Occasionally, the guilty walk, mainly through a glitch in the system. No punishment occurs, and the crime is once again committed.

You should have only one attempt to defend against the single attempt to prove that you are guilty. Glitches in the system do not allow you to walk away from your crime. If you are guilty, you are guilty, and punishment will be given.

Punishment will be swift. Executions will be administered by the judge and his shotgun hidden behind the desk. Imprisonment will happen immediately. There will be no talking to the press. There will be no hope for a last minute reprieve from the governor.  You did the crime, now take the punishment like a man.

Mistakes will undoubtedly happen. A system ran by man will always be plagued with human error. It is the best that we can do without being able to read minds. It is a risk that the innocent will be punished for someone else’s crime, but it is a risk that I am willing to impose on all of you. We will simply send a card to the innocent, or the innocent’s family expressing that we are sorry that they suffered. If they wish to seek retribution, their defending lawyer can be sued for being incompetent.

As an Evil Overlord preparing his empire, I have a cover job. During the normal work day, I chat with my co-workers. The other day this one was going on and on about how the war in Iraq is all about oil. Nevermind the fact that gas prices have doubled since the beginning of this conflict. We did, however, determine a fair compromise to ending this compromise very very fast.

What we need to do is detonate some type of bomb that is SUPER hot, leaves no toxic aftermath, right there in the middle of the desert. All that sand will be turned to glass, the jihadists will be exterminated. True, a few innocents may perish, but this is war, and that sort of thing happens in wars all the time. All we need do then, is to break the glass surface, tap back into the old wells, and drive those oil prices back down.

Another upside to this solution is that the United States will once again be the all powerful super nation in the minds of all the other nations in the world. None will know when we will turn against them. Except for the french. If we haven’t hit them before this plan, they will be next. And soon! We have the power and technology to prove this, but the wishy-washy politicians and spineless liberals, have dragged this great nation almost to the level of france.

As the days slowly drag past, it is becoming more and more apparent that we need to destroy france. Ever since the days of Madame Guillotine, the french population has steadily become more like a drooling imbecile and less like a proud race. True, it was a french man who built and gave the United States the Statue of Liberty (which apparently no longer stands for what it once did in regards to immigration.) True they saved our bacon many years ago. And yes they have given us french kissing. But what have they done lately? All they ever do is whine and complain. Recently the country took a black eye from the immigrant citizens rioting because of working conditions. The ruling government tries to please everyone, and only ends up offending everyone.

Talking about offending, has anyone smelled a frenchman lately? Do those people not know what a shower is? Or even deodorant? I had to sit next to a french girl several years back on a very long plane ride. Oh yes, she had two very nice… well, other than that, it was not a pleasant trip. She smelled so bad, even the tiny restroom smelled better after the token fat lady finished a marathon twenty minutes.

If I were to ask for the first thing you thought of when I said france, you would probably blurt out the Eiffel Tower. That is right, the largest landmark they have, and it was originally intended to be torn down. Pathetic.

All the elves that no one ever see, have begun migrating to france. Since french people are such pathetic worthless specs, the elven nation have found it a safe haven where they can begin anew their quest to dominate man. This is by far the greatest reason to destroy any nation, to rid the world of the elven blight.

Nuke france, and destroy the vermin elves!